I'll just unplug it for today

So one of my kids is in love with me. How can he resist though? I am SO charming. Okay, okay, he may not actually be in love with me but he is definitely a probable stalker. However, I have nothing better to do so hey, at least work is borderline interesting. That is a lie.

M and I had the library all organized then SOandSO came in and BAM! SMACK! POW! the library fell over and crushed her little bird bones. We then mourned. I am so cereal.

Also, Jason Mraz on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited. I'm definitely going to act fast and step up to the plate to win that date. If I'm lucky I will get paid while I make breakfast. Breakfast is my favorite!

Daphne is currently trying to rip my shower curtain into shower ribbons. She is such a great interior decorator. She has also distressed my leather ottoman and repositioned everything on any table/desk like surface. She tried to free my shrimp from their ecosphere (she is also an environmental activist) but the oppressive Man (myself) stopped her. I love oppressed shrimp. I think I may have some for lunch tomorrow actually....

Bicycle. Staring at me. Giving me a dirty look cause it has been under house arrest for a couple weeks now. HEY BICYCLE, its not MY fault that its always raining on Sundays and I have taken up sitting. Perhaps if you check your attitude I will consider moving you to the living room and allowing you to serve me as another butt resting place in front of the TV.

For realz though, I totally miss my bicycle. Although I do not miss that S curve at the bike park. I have foreseen my future and am totally aware that the S curve will be the cause of my dentures. I know I am going to face plant and bust out my two front teeth and they will crack and fall out of my mouth leaving behind these pointy scraggly snaggle teeth and I will have a mouth like Jewel times three (GROSS).

Also, I think I ran over a snake once bicycling. It was sad.

Over and Out

Its NOT bananas!

So previously I had written this terrible blog about my terrible day on Friday but really, it is just too horrendous for me to actually post. Honestly, I may actually be carted away to jail if I post it. And that is not in any way an understatement - I swear to God. I deleted it and have put the entire thing behind me. Unless of course it gets resurrected on Monday. I don't know.

Anyway, Friday Michelle and I went to see the long awaited Poultrygeist. It was not at all what I had expected (Troma- look it up). Alas! My eagerly acclaimed chicken zombie movie was a huge fail. But that is okay because it makes for a funny story which I have re-lived too many times to share with the world of bloggers.

Saturday I went to the kolache festival where Kaitlin ate twenty-seven kolaches, only three shy of her goal. It was fun and rained on us the entire time.

Today I am paying bills and working my finances to the bone. I also get to clean my house. However, I plan on topping off my day with a shopping outing for an apple core-er. Something I feel I can not live without. By the way, produce is on sale RIDICULOUS and all you people need to go buy some. I know you are not getting your five servings of fruits and vegetables. Also, I picked up some bananas (49 cents a pound) and tried to eat one for breakfast on peanut butter toast but I just hate them. I thought I could change that about myself but I can't. They are disgusting and have the texture of all soft materials that should only be part of the abject. Ew.

Mr. Mooney, will you please exit my life. And take Lisa with you.

Prepare yourself blogging people because I am taking my ridiculous rants public. This one is going to be short and sweet because writing publicly gives me butterflies and I don't want to loose my audience (M) on day one. I have a lot to say and I think I will start later in the week. I wish I could print my brain.

I guess it would be possible but I think I would probably flatline while it was out of my skull being dipped in ink and pressed on to twenty-five pieces of parchment. But wouldn't that be a piece to own...?